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#Bills Fans: Tailgate with Pinto Ron

“This is what milk looks like sixteen years later.”



Party on, Pinto Ron.

Go Bills.

Posted in: Bills

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#Bills/Chiefs Preview: Computer Analysis Preview

We’ve consulted the oracle of football prognostication for Week 2: 300w" sizes="(max-width: 489px) 100vw, 489px" />


Hot bullet points:

  • Turnovers. Even pixellated 90’s Bills can’t hold onto the ball. Could be a terrible portent.
  • Untold story: Bruce Smith was a monster, registering 9 sacks, including 3 in a row to put an end to one of crappy Steve DeBerg’s comeback attempt drives in the 3rd quarter.
  • Big friggin’ plays. Okoye netting 120 yards on 6 runs, and Robbbbb Thomas’ 74 yards on 2 catches tells you how this game stayed close. Could be another (very likely) terrible portent.
  • Most of these big plays were a result of the LB’s quizzically standing still and simply watching the guy with the rock run past them. Watching them try to catch up with the late “Tecmo speed burst” was pathetic but hilarious. And chilling. Mark this down as another portent.
  • “Bills QB” missed every receiver not named Andre Reed. Terrible portent #4. Fitz, please use all your receivers (yes, even the one with the bad groin, the rookie, and the one that is technically a wildcat quarterback).
  • Bruuuuuuce with the game ball here, but the Thurminator really put in a consistent, dominant performance, and stayed away from oddball political statements, which was nice for a change. I’m starting CJ Spiller on my fantasy team this week.

Go Bills.


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#Bills Week 2 BINGO, plus an Obligatory Drinking Game #BecauseItsBuffalo

Welcome to week 2, Bills fans.

And welcome to our 1st ever edition of Bills BINGO!

I think we all need a little levity after last week’s debacle, and it’s ensuing debacles. Rodney Harrison, and “The Losing Disease” were just two of the more idiotic “media” BS sentiments that Bills fans have had to endure over this past week. Don’t worry folks, Sunday will be here before you know it.

Of course, the real tragedy of the week was the murder of Marcell Dareus’ brother. Thoughts and prayers to him and his family. I can’t believe he’s supposed to be on the field on Sunday. Safe to say all the fans will have Marcell’s back.

This week’s winner receives a signed James Hardy jersey (after the Bills grab him when Stevie Johnson inevitably surrenders to his groin). Well that sounded wrong. The Stevie Johnson part sounded a bit wrong, too.

Oh, also there’s some drinking game fun in those squares, so good luck with your hangovers tomorrow.

Now go buy a dabber. And good luck.

(As always, click the pic to upsize.) 873w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


Go Bills. 4 EVER. #BecauseItsBuffalo

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Bills Preseason Mercifully Ends




Actually, no, we have not been exactly entertained. 300w" sizes="(max-width: 448px) 100vw, 448px" />

My compliments to @Sloheim for providing the screen grab. Go ahead and check out his Amerks blog.

That picture pretty much sums up the Bills’ 0-4 preseason thrill ride:

  • “Yaaaaawn.” Yup. That was the feel of all four inspired performances.
  • 28-10? Wow. We scored 10?
  • Armpit stretch. Makes this guy look like one of our linebackers trying to cover a pass.
  • No idea what that guy in the bottom corner is saying, but I’ll just assume it’s “Hey – remember that time we signed Vince Young?”
  • Lady behind armpit stretch guy is cleaning her nails. This crap bored folks beyond texting.
  • Oddly enough, the lady on the right looks engaged – inspired. Well, that, or she’s about to call for the beer guy.

If preseason has taught NFL fans anything, it is that the NFL preseason means nothing. Yes, at the end of the day, some guys will lose their jobs. Thrilling. Mainly, the preseason is a ridiculous cash grab. (Seriously – charging full regular season price for exhibition games is laughable. It’s as if the owners invited us into a dentist’s chair to take out our gold fillings, and we bought tickets to go. Fun!)

The preseason gives us these other points of import:

  • Guys get injured. A lot of them. Wish I could say we’re weeding out the weak ones, but no, the LB corps is healthy.
  • Positional battles. How exciting. #PUNTWATCH was easily the most compelling preseason battle for the Bills. How many times does Potter have to kick the ball out of the freakin endzone to win a job? ALL OF THEM! #PUNTWATCH! Worth the full price of admission. 450w" sizes="(max-width: 284px) 100vw, 284px" />

Kicks balls hard.

  • Some other crap.
  • SERIOUS FOOTBALL ANALYSIS ALL OVER THE INTERNET (mostly read by guys getting ready for their fantasy drafts)
  • Tailgating! Hells yes. Goodtimes. (We’ll ignore how it feels to combine a Genny Cream hangover with a bad football hangover.)

Mercifully, the preseason is over. That odd little buzz in your belly this morning is not the old “Oh geez, I think I’m still drunk” feeling – it’s the feeling of an actual football game – Week One – right around the corner.

No more bullshit, and…


This little guy was on my TV last season. Was lost when the Bills hit their 5-1 mark. You all know what happened after that. Shit, I gotta find this thing.

Before anyone yaps at me, I am not predicting the Superbowl, or the playoffs, or a singular victory. All that should matter to fans, right now, is that anything is possible.

Feels great, doesn’t it?

And that, folks, is the best part of preseason – the feeling you get when it’s over, because actual football is about to happen. Everything is within reach.

No more yawns. Shit’s about to go down. Screw “baby steps,” I want the playoffs, now, and the road to that begins by ripping the faces off of Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow in Week One.





Go Bills.


Posted in: Bills

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Bills And Sabres Making All The Right Moves

It’s a pretty great feeling when your favorite sports teams seem to be making all the right moves. As Buffalo sports fans we’ve certainly dealt with a lot of stomach-roiling management over the years and it’s nice to feel like things are finally going well for both the Sabres and the Bills management-wise.

As for the Bills we had to put up with some horrible coaching ever since the Marv Levy days. Wade Phillips, Gregg Williams, Mike Mularkey, Dick Jauron and a brief look at Perry Fewell. Fewell didn’t have enough tenure for us to know much about him but the rest … ugh.

The “Dick Jauron Face”. Passion-inspiring it is not. We had to put up with THREE YEARS of this.

Chan Gailey is such a breath of fresh air form those guys – especially from Dick Jauron. It’s ridiculous to think back on the fact that he fired his offensive coordinator and had Alex Van Pelt install a no-huddle offense mere weeks from the start of the regular season. “Hey build me an awesome offense quickly. It’s easy, right? Hey, you’ve got Trent Edwards so don’t complain.” Er, yeah.

Mismanagement. We’d dealt with it for over a decade.

Now the Sabres have fans thinking that it’s possible they could pick up any player in the NHL. Rick Nash? Certainly possible. One source said they had $100 million offers in on both Parise and Suter. They’re willing to spend money and do anything – absolutely ANYTHING – that is necessary to make the team better.

The Bills got Mario freaking Williams to come to Buffalo. They’re signing great talent at every position and appear to be on the cusp of better-than-average-ness (I won’t say greatness because it’s been too damn long since we could say that and I don’t want to jinx it.)

There’s a disturbance in the force. Great players are being attracted to Western New York. Maybe it’s the prevalence of chicken wings across the country. Perhaps it’s a decades-long plot finally coming to fruition where scientists figured out a way to inject hot sauce with a mind-controlling substance that calls atheletes home to the wing mecca that is Buffalo.

Whatever the reason for it, it’s awesome. The Bills and Sabres may not reach their expectations this season but it’s still a great feeling to know that the organizations are willing to do the right things. That they’re willing to spend money and be aggressive. That they don’t just follow someone else’s script, but instead blaze trails with their own gameplans.

Another thought is that I used to give bad coaches the benefit of the doubt. After a year of guys like Williams/Mularkey/Jauron I’m usually like, “chill people, let’s give them a couple of years and see what they can do when they’ve established their system”. I used to think that 3 years was what it took for a new coaching regime to get their things going.

That’s bull. A new coach’s presence should be felt immediately. The team might not start winning right away, but you should be able to see their affect on the team. We saw that early on with Chan Gailey. He was willing to switch from Trent Edwards to Fitzpatrick within weeks of the regular season starting. He recognized that Edwards’ brain didn’t work at the game speed required at the NFL level while Fitzy’s did. Chan pulled the trigger and reversed his decision while other coaches (*couch*Jauron*cough*) just stay stuck in the mire of the decision they made in the past.

Thank goodness for Chan, Nix, Lindy, Darcy and perhaps most of all the Pegula clan. They may not make ALL the right moves, but you can’t be perfect. At least they’re sticking to their blueprint for success and being unabashedly aggressive about it. I love it. And it bodes well for an exciting 2012-2013 for both franchises.

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