0Posted by Scott Michalak on April 24, 2013 at 11:05 am
Thousandstens of thousands every football nut with access to the Internet is preparing for the big day tomorrow – the actual NFL draft.
Mocksters all over the nation are hesitantly hitting the “publish” button on their blogs, and settling back into their chairs to wait for what can only be a hilarious response to all the stupid shit they said in their “profiles” and “hot takes” on the incoming NFL prospects.
It’s going to be a gruesome slaughter.
BOOM: the sound you will hear as every mock draft implodes after the first trade on actual draft day. Hey look, even the explosion is mocking this whole process.
“I’ve been sweating over other mock drafts for the past couple weeks,” said the Guy at the Office today. “But I’ve got an angle. I put in trades. Also, I put in 2-5 ‘alternatives’ for each pick, so I’m pretty confident that I’ll have real success tomorrow.”
I think that pretty much includes alllllll of the sports fan Buffalonians. But especially this poor guy:
The Greatest Silence. Damn you, lockout. Damn you for silencing one of the greatest poets of hockey lore. Damn. You.
3. Cartoon Bettman stupidity OK weekend, END SPORT?
The stuff of prophecy. I am Macbeth’s witches. Heed me or die, hockey fans. (“Heed me” means send me beer money . Or die.)
4. MAKE GARY THING GO.
YES. A THOUSAND TIMES YES. Not that anyone cares about what the fans say. Or what they pay for parking. Or what they pay for parking if there’s a compressed season of like 12 home games in one freaking week. Cry me a river about how the owners feel about the guy they hired to make CBA’s that they can loophole.
These days, that is all the NHL is – loopholes and future loopholes. This can’t be legal. But it is.
Bettman: 20 years of lockouts, glow pucks, no ESPN, the '99 No Goal, and terrible hockey in the South. #LEGEND#NHL
Let’s put a tourniquet-twist on one of the good ol’ days in Buffalo sport, and start the chant for this weekend here and now:
Thank you, Sabres!
Thank you, Bills!
This year is a special kind of nightmare for Buffalo sports fans. No hockey and humiliating football have combined to form the perfect ragestorm on the Twitter, radio, blog and print conversation – every week – for months now. I know I’ve had enough, and frankly, a blacked out game is kinda welcome news.
Family time in the B-lo. Use it to catch up on your holiday shopping, or visit one of those cultural thingys we talk so much about here. I hear the zoo is wonderful this time of year. Ooo – or you can go check out the view graffiti and giant friggin’ spiders at the top of City Hall.
“Hey look at the urban sprawl on THIS side! OMG THERE’S SPIDERS EVERYWHERE.” Yes. And these are just the babies.
Seriously though, I do love my Buffalo. Hell, I settled here after trying out life on three separate continents. So, I’m going to take advantage of #blackoutlockoutmageddon and do what Buffalonians do in times of crisis like this: go to those art galleries buy a six pack and scan NFL mock drafts, maybe cry a little.
Maybe scan the other channels on TV.
If I have to choose between The Voice and Pawn Stars re-re-repeats ever again I'm going to have to shoot my TV. #ENDTHELOCKOUT#NHL
This weekend is going to suck. Again though – thank you Bills for gutting us all throughout the season. It helps us all survive this blackout gutpunch, especially after all your supreme efforts at disemboweling the art of modern era playcalling and execution.
Maybe I’ll catch up on my reading.
If you have any things-to-do suggestions, lemme know in the comments section below. Even though none of you will. Jerks.
On to the blackout Tweet of the Day. Barrister, get us the hell out of this post!
Or TARP? RT @runthedive: Maybe the Bills need tarps.
0Posted by Scott Michalak on November 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm
OK, it’s just one thing to do.
But it’s glorious. Or not, depending on your cartoon generation. I’m pretty sure this is for the generation that happened just before Generation X, which pretty much started the whole “let’s name ALL the generations” bullcrap and such.
Whatever. Hit the link.
He tries so hard for the institution.
LONG LIVE THE LOCKOUT BECAUSE CRAP LIKE THIS IS SOOOO MUCH FUN!
Or we can watch the Concussed Ron Mexico Eagles vs. the Racist-skins. OR, curling on CBC (from the Wayne freaking Gretzky Sports Centre in Brantford, Ontariooooo)! So we do have more than one thing.
And yes, I do think the racist Redskins name is embarrassingly/smallpox blankets racist. Don’t agree? Punch my face in the comments section. Or not, because no one seems to ever care about this topic.
This post started out so light.
Good God, help us.
And help Chan use Spiller inside the 20.
Hey – maybe we can use this time to heal:
Yea, never gonna’ happen. Enjoy your Sunday… family time!