On Eve of NFL Draft, Mocksters Preparing for Gruesome Slaughter
Thousands tens of thousands every football nut with access to the Internet is preparing for the big day tomorrow – the actual NFL draft.
Mocksters all over the nation are hesitantly hitting the “publish” button on their blogs, and settling back into their chairs to wait for what can only be a hilarious response to all the stupid shit they said in their “profiles” and “hot takes” on the incoming NFL prospects.
It’s going to be a gruesome slaughter.
“I’ve been sweating over other mock drafts for the past couple weeks,” said the Guy at the Office today. “But I’ve got an angle. I put in trades. Also, I put in 2-5 ‘alternatives’ for each pick, so I’m pretty confident that I’ll have real success tomorrow.”
Meanwhile, guys who get PAID to do this shit are arguing over whether or not Ryan Nassib will go to the Bills because “he played in great winter conditions in Syracuse in a dome and stuff,” and whether Matt Barkley will be a “really good starter” or a “really good backup.”
“Oh, yea, these guys are hilarious. Hilarious!” one previous 1st round QB bust told BSN earlier this week, who spoke on conditions of anonymity. “But look, they help create a buzz, and people like Ralph Wilson are really easy to fool. I mean, seriously, who really saw my name going in the first round? And at 22nd overall? In 2004? I sure as hell didn’t. Credit where credit is due: these mocksters helped make me some sweet cash.” Ed. note – screw you, Losman. You sucked at football and we hate you.
In Buffalo, sports radio also continues to rage on today with witty draft banter from insightful callers such as Guy Still Drunk from Last Night: “I just think if, if there’s that guy, I seen him play. Nassib is a stud. He’s a stud, man. I seen him on YouTube, and Gruden – hey if John Gruden says he’s the best QB then he’s the best QB. John Gruden. John, Mother Fu-”
“Worst day of the goddamn year,” commented Local Sports Radio Call Screener Guy.
“I’m already looking forward to all the Nassib jerseys on the racks at TJ Maxx and Savers when the Bills eventually cut him,” said myself on Twitter because I got jokes.
The real deal is scheduled to “kick off” (hey let’s EVERYONE continue to use that punny phrase whenever anything regarding football is on the schedule because IT NEVER GETS OLD) tomorrow night at 8pm.
next post: MAY DAY UPDATE: Brad May DID Kiss an Octopus. Sort of.