BSN Summer Awards: The Envelopes (and Brooke Shields) are IN!

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Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please!

The winners of the first 3 of our “Summer Awards” are in.  Thanks to all of you who participated in the voting process.  For those that read the posts and curiously did not vote, well, what can I say besides “how difficult is it to press a button on your screen?”

Then again, the voting wasn’t the sole determining factor with these things, so… oh wait, did I forget to tell everyone that?  Oopsy.  Ok, for those of you who did not vote: “Well played. Well played, indeed.”

But let us not let this voting controversy spoil our summer of awards love.

Let’s get it on. (For best results, upsize that video and keep it playing as you read on.)

TinyGary 300x192 BSN Summer Awards: The Envelopes (and Brooke Shields) are IN!

Look for the next series of awards, which includes "The Bettman."

First up: “The Sully.”

This award goes to the member/player in the Sabres organization most enthusiastically loathed by a certain member of the Buffalo News (who just may just bear a name somewhat similar to the actual namesake of this award - the other destroyer in Buffalo - which is docked at the waterfront).  I know, right? It’s just a total coincidence.

Our nominees were:

  1. Tim Connolly. Connolly may have never have lived up to his contract extension, but there are no worries as to if he ever knew about it.
  2. Terry Pegula. It didn’t take long for Pegula to get raked over the coals in this one newspaper town – during an on air rant at WGR55, our certain news writer spoke so vehemently about the new ownership’s decisions that Schopp and the Bulldog were actually rendered speechless for ten seconds.  (Click on the 2/28 “Part 1″ feed – the 12:13 mark starts off the tirade that leads to the dead silence at 13:02.)
  3. Ryan Miller. Nothing like cornering an angry netminder in the locker room after a tough night – after he walks away from you.  Nope, there is no escape from the wrath of the “Sabres’ Critic,” not even for the team’s all-world goaltender.  Heck, there’s always time for name-calling and f-bomb dropping, even if it takes place in front of a bunch of little kids touring the facilities – it’s about staying objective, folks!

You (well some of you) voted for:

  • Timmy – 66%
  • Miller – 22%
  • Pegula – 12%

Sorry folks, I know and understand the level of hate that many of you share towards Connolly, so I suspect this voting process was doomed from the start.  Aside from that, the fireworks that shot out of Sullivan’s brain on WGR were spectacular.  When’s the last time Schopp and the Bulldog have been dumbstruck silent for more than 5 seconds?  This broke new ground in the Sullivan tirade timeline. Terry, congratulations, you’re our winner, and will be receiving that vintage Sabres blue and red cotton candy soon (possibly at your next birthday serenade).

Moving on.

We’re unashamedly going to ride the publicity that is the recent Brooke Shields Tony Awards train wreck for our next announcement. Brooke, take it away!

Brooksey 300x187 BSN Summer Awards: The Envelopes (and Brooke Shields) are IN!

And DON'T SCREW UP.

“Ok, no pressure!  Ha ha!”

“The next award is “The Rayzor,” and was named I think for some guy named Robert Ray?  Is that right?  (Random expletive.) (Awkward laughter.)”

Just read the cue card, Brooke.

“Oh yea.”

“This con…ten…tious award goes to the Sabres member/player, is that member ‘slash’ player or just ‘member/player?’ Um, the one who unleashed the most endearing tirade/emotional meltdown during the 2010-11 season. ‘Slash.’ Oh, (expletive).”

Excellent job, Brooke!  I’ll take it from here.

Our nominees were:

In the Endearing Tirade category:

  1. Ryan Miller: who can forget his wild confrontation with John Vogl and Jerry Sullivan of the Buffalo news?  F-bombs, name-calling, and wild accusations fly – all while a group of young children is being ushered through a tour of the facilities.
  2. Lindy Ruff: nominated for his infamous stick waving tirade – I’d describe it, but a gif file says a thousand angry words.

In the Endearing Emotional Meltdown category:

  1. Terry Pegula: Aww, Terry… who will ever be able to get over you choking up and coming to tears during your first official press conference for the team, for when you finally mustered up the gusto to actually look over to where Gilbert Perreault was seated and stammered “Where’s Perreault? Sniff.You’re my hero.”  Terry, you even had me tearing up.  (Well, trying to tear up.)
  2. Mike Grier: Mike, Mike, Mike – it just can’t end this way! You single-handedly pawed in the Game Seven goal against Philadelphia that crushed whatever shred of a hope the Sabres had with 18.5 seconds left in the 1st period, who were otherwise just being out-shot 16-2.  After the loss, in tears, you told reporters “It’s just disappointing. I don’t know how much longer I have to play. Sniff. If I play again, it’ll be here. If not, that’ll probably be it.”  Dang. Please, please, do come back, Mike. We’re all rooting for you.

You voted for:

  • Ryan Miller – 34%
  • Lindy Ruff – 28%
  • Terry Pegula – 25%
  • Mike Grier – 13%

Now that’s a horse race!  Nice to see Miller actually winning something.  It’s a nice change of pace, lately.  I would hate to take any kind of winning streak away from him, so we’ll go with the voters here.  Congratulations, Ryan!  Your slightly worn copy of “The Razor’s Edge” will be arriving soon (I’ll probably just chuck it at the arena today when I drive by later.)

Our last award is “The Dirty Brett.”  For those of you who saw that post and immediately felt inclined to go to the Urban Dictionary and type that in, I am soooo sorry.  Well, not really.  Anyone who goes there deserves what’s coming to them.

But no one deserved what Brett Hull did to us in ’99, the namesake behind this award.

This award goes to the player “most hated by Sabres fans, and who causes the most anger and/or sadness through their distasteful decision to continue to exist.”

Our nominees were:

In the “Reproachable Act” category:

  1. Daniel Briere.  We could have included Chris Drury’s name here, if he hadn’t fallen off the face of the hockey world since skipping town, but Briere has done his best to continue to cause Sabres fans to revisit the whole July 1st, 2007 debacle, and tweet things such as “We should totally trade to get Briere back for next season!”  No, we shouldn’t.  Don’t be fooled by Briere’s boyish charm and classy act off the ice – while on it, he is still gutting us like an executioner cherub.  In the 2010-11 playoffs, he lead the Flyers in points as they eliminated the Sabres in 7 games (though, technically, one could argue it ended in 6).  As the Buffalo News was so quickly kind to point out the day after elimination:“Briere, much like he did a year ago, is leading the postseason charge. He scored a whopping six goals in seven games and tormented his former team from the opening faceoff. He won a clutch faceoff early in Game 7 that led to Philadelphia’s first goal. Briere, one of the top free-agent signings in team history, has 94 points (41-53-94) in 93 career playoff games.” Excuse me while I solemnly weep for a moment.
  2. Daniel Carcillo. Surprise! We have another Flyer to deal with.  Though Daniel Carcillo’s “head pat” of Nathan Gerbe lead to one of Buffalo’s most spectacular goals of the season, it is this kind of condescending act that Buffalonians have had to endure, and will continue to endure, until a Cup or Lombardi is finally delivered to Main Street.  A contact watching Game Seven from a Jacksonville, FL sports bar informed me that he was mockingly patted on the head after the game was over by a grinning Philly fan, who followed up the gesture by saying, “And don’t bother trying.  You aren’t scoring on me.”  Yes, the Philly fan was a girl. All my empathy goes out to you, Jim from Jacksonville – and I promise you, if Carcillo wins, this Philly fan gets in on the curse, and it’s going to involve a lot of cheese steak.

In the “Permanently Loathed” category:

  1. Zdeno Chara.  Tormenting Buffalo while he played in Ottawa for 4 seasons apparently wasn’t enough, as this Czech troglodyte dragged his knuckles on to Boston, where he has been a devastating force since the 2006-07 season.  His timeline-o-ugly goes back quite a ways, so in order to make this quick, I consulted the oracle known as “Yahoo! Answers.”  Here are some of the remarks inspired by the Bruins’ captain.  ”(Expletive) Chara!”  ”He sucks at life.”  ”We want to make him cry and run off the ice.”  Really? Run? Moving on… “Gorillas shouldn’t be playing hockey.”  (Editors note: but, as we all know, smaller primates are more than acceptable.)  ”His big schnozz.”  ”Canadian fans feel he sold out and left Canada for more money.”  ”Stanchions!!!”  Finally, there was also the quizzical “It’s nothing personal.”  Oh, yes it is.
  2. Eric Staal.  Forget the fact that this pre-convict seems to have his face permanently flexed into a position that makes it seem as if he is constantly debating who he wants to murder on the ice.  Staal was a member of the Carolina Hurricanes in the 2005-06 season that ousted Buffalo in the Conference Finals in Game Seven (through that herculean effort of waiting until almost every starting defenseman for the Sabres was injured before finally finishing Buffalo off).  Staal had 2 goals and 3 assists in the series before moving on with his team to beat the lowly Oilers for the Cup.

You voted for:

  • Briere – 42%
  • Chara – 32%
  • Carcillo – 16%
  • Staal – 10%

Oh, c’mon folks, really?  You’re still not over that 2007 debacle?  Get over it!  Besides, I am not over the 2005-06 debacle, so Staal is our winner in a landslide (of a whole 2 votes that he received). Congratulations, Eric! You’ll have just received a sweet curse courtesy of “HockeyJobu.com.” Enjoy next season, (expletive).  (Bang the link to see the curse – it might take a little while for it to appear.)

Well, that was fun!  More awards are forthcoming, so please, get ready to actually vote this time. Thanks to all who participated, and to Brooke Shields, my first childhood crush. And yes, that song was for you.

Awwwww, yea.

Go Sabres.

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