BSN Summer Awards: The Dirty Brett

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No goal!

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Sure, in any other year this would have been a clutch, heroic goal - but not in 1999. BECAUSE IT WAS ILLEGAL.

I need not remind Sabres fans of how 1999’s Stanley Cup Finals ended, even though I guess I just did.  Brett Hull’s goal ripped the hearts out of Buffalo Sabres fans – just mentioning his name can cause severe emotional allergic reactions to this day.  If you really want an earful about this incident, ask the nearest three-arena-beers-in guy at the HSBC (preferably one wearing one of these).

Buffalo will never get a chance to have revenge on Hull, but he at least is the inspiration behind today’s award, which goes to the player “most hated by Sabres fans, and who causes the most anger and/or sadness through their distasteful decision to continue to exist.”  We’ll entertain two categories here: the “Permanently Loathed” sect and the “Reproachable Act” sect (who will be represented by players who slapped Buffalo fans around specifically in the 2010-11 season).

The “winner” of the award will receive one especially creative curse from me on HockeyJobu.com – so vote with your hearts, and a heavy dose of your spleens.

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Revenge is a dish best served with... chicken legs, rum, and cigars, apparently.

Also, due to the high volume of players in the NHL that have ruined our lives, I’ve trimmed the list down to the most infamous offenders.

Now, on with the nominations of this year’s “Dirty Brett” reprobates candidates.

In the “Reproachable Act” category:

  1. Daniel Briere.  We could have included Chris Drury’s name here, if he hadn’t fallen off the face of the hockey world since skipping town, but Briere has done his best to continue to cause Sabres fans to revisit the whole July 1st, 2007 debacle, and tweet things such as “We should totally trade to get Briere back for next season!”  No, we shouldn’t.  Don’t be fooled by Briere’s boyish charm and classy act off the ice – while on it, he is still gutting us like an executioner cherub.  In the 2010-11 playoffs, he lead the Flyers in points as they eliminated the Sabres in 7 games (though, technically, one could argue it ended in 6).  As the Buffalo News was so quickly kind to point out the day after elimination: “Briere, much like he did a year ago, is leading the postseason charge. He scored a whopping six goals in seven games and tormented his former team from the opening faceoff. He won a clutch faceoff early in Game 7 that led to Philadelphia’s first goal. Briere, one of the top free-agent signings in team history, has 94 points (41-53-94) in 93 career playoff games.” Excuse me while I solemnly weep for a moment.
  2. Daniel Carcillo. Surprise! We have another Flyer to deal with.  Though Daniel Carcillo’s “head pat” of Nathan Gerbe lead to one of Buffalo’s most spectacular goals of the season, it is this kind of condescending act that Buffalonians have had to endure, and will continue to endure, until a Cup or Lombardi is finally delivered to Main Street.  A contact watching Game Seven from a Jacksonville, FL sports bar informed me that he was mockingly patted on the head after the game was over by a grinning Philly fan, who followed up the gesture by saying, “And don’t bother trying.  You aren’t scoring on me.”  Yes, the Philly fan was a girl. All my empathy goes out to you, Jim from Jacksonville – and I promise you, if Carcillo wins, this Philly fan gets in on the curse, and it’s going to involve a lot of cheese steak.

Moving on to “Permanently Loathed” category… our nominees are:

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He'll probably break a few razors trying to hack that black forest off his face.

  1. Zdeno Chara.  Tormenting Buffalo while he played in Ottawa for 4 seasons apparently wasn’t enough, as this Czech troglodyte dragged his knuckles on to Boston, where he has been a devastating force since the 2006-07 season.  His timeline-o-ugly goes back quite a ways, so in order to make this quick, I consulted the oracle known as “Yahoo! Answers.”  Here are some of the remarks inspired by the Bruins’ captain.  “(Expletive) Chara!”  “He sucks at life.”  “We want to make him cry and run off the ice.”  Really? Run? Moving on… “Gorillas shouldn’t be playing hockey.”  (Editors note: but, as we all know, smaller primates are more than acceptable.)  “His big schnozz.”  “Canadian fans feel he sold out and left Canada for more money.”  “Stanchions!!!”  Finally, there was also the quizzical “It’s nothing personal.”  Oh, yes it is.
  2. Eric Staal.  Forget the fact that this pre-convict seems to have his face permanently flexed into a position that makes it seem as if he is constantly debating who he wants to murder on the ice.  Staal was a member of the Carolina Hurricanes in the 2005-06 season that ousted Buffalo in the Conference Finals in Game Seven (through that herculean effort of waiting until almost every starting defenseman for the Sabres was injured before finally finishing Buffalo off).  Staal had 2 goals and 3 assists in the series before moving on with his team to beat the lowly Oilers for the Cup.

So there you have it folks.  Now have at it: a spiteful internet curse is on the line here.  Enjoy your part in this small revenge.

Who gets your vote for "The Dirty Brett?"

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Go Sabres.

SEE ALSO: Other BSN Summer Awards – “The Sully,” and “The Rayzor.”

DISCLAIMER: This post and the title of this “award” was not inspired by the entry of the online “Urban Dictionary.”  While we do not advise heading over to that site, please be advised that it is highly NSFW.

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